


i’ve got just one regret to live through (and that one regret is you)

by lokesurie



Series: Reguri Week 2020 [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, i think, i'M SAD, this doesn't make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26588023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokesurie/pseuds/lokesurie
Summary: Written for Reguri Week 2020Prompt : Distance/RegretNothing's felt real since Blue arrived in Kalos.
Relationships: Ookido Green | Blue Oak & Ookido Yukinari-hakase | Professor Samuel Oak, Ookido Green | Blue Oak/Red
Series: Reguri Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1934080
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	i’ve got just one regret to live through (and that one regret is you)

**Author's Note:**

> bonjour my dudes it is one am where I am but hey it's still day 1 in the us or something so I'm still valid okay  
> if you've looked at the tags you must have seen that this was... angst (it's not painful angst idk how to do that)  
> BUT STILL NINI ! you say, deeply wounded, how dare you ?  
> look the prompt was either that or wedding and I cannot for the life of god write weddings, so you get distance/regret and how do you turn this into fluff ? don't answer I know you can but I've been sad for idk how long so this is what you get okay  
> anyway all of this doesn't make sense and I still have to do the dishes and cry so voilà I hope u can still enjoy  
> PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO LEAVE KUDOS OR COMMENTS OR ANYTHING I live for that 
> 
> Title of the fic comes from Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met) by P!ATD (okay look I heard about the controversy around p!atd and I'm as destroyed as any p!atd stan but look this song is what keeps me going)

"At last, Blue ! You finally called."  
  
Blue has a hard time deciphering Gramps’ pixelated expression through the computer’s screen, but he reckons his tone sounds warm enough. Blue forces his lips to form a faint smile.  
  
"Yeah, sorry. I got busy." He says, passing a hand through his hair. "I’m sure you get the feeling."  
  
But once he’s done talking, Blue bites his tongue, hoping his last sentence didn’t sound too bitter.  
  
Gramps simply chuckles, and Blue lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. His chest constricts at the sight of his grandfather’s genuine grin - he can’t really remember the last time it happened.  
  
"How are you doing, son? Do you like Kalos?"  
  
Blue absently inspects his surroundings. The white walls of his room are still bare, devoid of the photos he brought with him - they were all piled in a box he still hadn’t opened. Actually, almost all of his boxes weren’t opened yet, and his clothes were starting to form a terrifyingly messy stack in his passed down suitcase.  
  
Blue’s kind of glad Gramps can’t see the state of his room through the tiny camera of his computer.  
  
He finally settles his eyes on the facing tree he can see through the window - it seems in a tearful agony with its dying leaves drenched by the rain.  
  
"I’m fine. Kalos is cool." He ends up saying, still looking at the tree, his hands laced behind his head.  
  
The pregnant pause that follows his answer makes Blue divert his gaze back to his screen. Gramps is not smiling anymore.  
  
"Is this all you have to say about it? You’re not that silent, usually."  
  
Blue, bewildered, stares at his grandfather, silently wondering where all this sudden care for Blue’s well-being is coming from.  
  
‘Why are you only caring when I’m not here?’ Blue finds himself thinking.  
  
"I’m just a bit tired today Gramps, you don’t need to make a fuss over it." Is what he says instead.  
  
Blue’s also utterly unable to tell how he feels, these days. But he doesn’t know how to tell Gramps that. So before Gramps can add anything and try to dig through the deepness of Blue’s feelings, he opens his mouth again.  
  
"How are you, though ? Is Daisy alright ? I hope my team’s not giving her too much trouble."  
  
Blue feels a sudden ache at the mention of his team. Only Eevee came with him to Kalos - he had deemed it wiser to leave the others in Pallet. After all, he was only here for a year. And he was here to study. And to research. Not to battle.  
  
Blue tries his best to stay focused on Gramps’ answer - but he still feels his mind losing itself in empty thoughts. Yet random words sometimes popped out through the fog his dazed brain had conjured: among them, massages, research, Alakazam, Johto, Gold, Red…  
  
Red?   
  
Blue hates how his heart misses a beat at the mention of his… friend. At least he’s definitely focused, now.  
  
"… helping Daisy."  
  
"Red’s helping Daisy?" Blue repeats in disbelief.  
  
"Yes, were you not listening? I told you he’s been visiting the lab every day since you left."  
  
"Excuse me?" Blue feels his eyes widen.  
  
Red left Mount Silver ? Red’s been visiting the lab daily?  
  
Gramps gives Blue a knowing look. Blue doesn’t want to ponder on it - so he ignores it.  
  
"He’s been asking about you, actually." Gramps smiles.  
  
"I’m sorry, what ?"  
  
Blue’s not understanding what’s happening for one bit. He tries to process what Gramps is telling him - but he just can’t.  
  
Did he miss something?  
  
Blue can’t really remember the past few weeks. He doesn’t remember what he did, where he went, who he spoke to, he doesn’t remember time passing, doesn’t remember the details of this nonsensical show he’s been cluelessly watching - that show being his life, and him not even landing a role in it.  
  
But he remembers - and still feels - the pain that comes when he thinks of Red.  
  
He remembers the frustration climbing a snowy mountain twice a week for only unspoken hollow words in return brought. He remembers the hidden tears shed in the dark when the night would barely whisper - the ones caused by the underlying worry he’s always feeling, by the regrets, by the fears, by the longing, by the helplessness, by his broken pleads only met with a dull silence. He remembers desperate embraces, touches, kisses, soothing at first, hurtful in the end.  
  
He remembers telling Red about his probable departure and Red not even blinking in reply.  
  
"Do you not believe me?" Gramps asks, amused.  
  
Blue feels as if he was living in another reality.  
  
"Not really." Blue answers.  
  
"Well Red’s here. See for yourself."  
  
Blue watches Gramps vigorously getting up from his chair - how Gramps sometimes has more energy than him, Blue still doesn’t know - and stares at the bookcase he can now see with Gramps having left the room. He thinks he recognizes the picture displayed on the top shelf. He doesn’t remember when it’s been taken, but it’s fairly recent : Daisy’s sitting on their sofa, and Blue stands, hugging her from behind. It’s one of the photos he brought with him.  
  
Blue thinks he hears some noises, some voices perhaps, but he’s not sure.  
  
"There, you go sit on my chair. I’ll be in the lab, come tell me when you’re done so I say goodbye to my grandson." Blue thinks he hears.  
  
Then, retreating footsteps, mixed with hesitant thumps progressively getting louder.  
  
The bookcase disappears again, getting replaced by a blurred figure sitting down.  
  
Then Red is here, staring at Blue. He’s not even wearing his hat. Blue’s been rendered completely speechless.  
  
"Hi." Red says.  
  
Blue doesn’t answer. He simply can’t. What was Red doing here ?  
  
Red waits for a few moments, seemingly waiting for an answer - an answer Blue simply can’t provide.  
  
"Arcanine misses you." Red tells him after a few minutes of awkward silence. "Your whole team does. But Arcanine the most."  
  
Blue doesn’t understand. That’s more words coming from Red here in a few minutes than in the whole last month. What was up with people talking to him only once he was gone ?

He’s not even registering what Red is saying. Somehow, Red starts ranting about Blue’s team, and usually he would be delighted and thrilled to hear Red talking, and to hear about his team whom he dearly missed - but Blue just feels empty.  
  
"Red." Blue finally says, stopping Red who was telling him about Machamp and Alakazam’s latest argument.  
  
Red hums and fidgets with his hands.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Blue asks, ignoring his trembling hands as best as he can.  
  
Red watches him for a moment. Without his cap, his stares are even more intense. Blue feels the beginning of a knot forming in the back of his throat.  
  
"You didn’t say goodbye."  
  
Red is right. When Blue left, he didn’t say goodbye to anyone - Gramps and Daisy being exceptions. Some friends, some colleagues still had to learn about Blue’s moving out. And he had yet to answer to Leaf’s angry texts.  
  
"I’m sorry." Blue finds himself saying. ‘But you should be sorry too.’ He thinks.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why didn’t you say goodbye?"  
  
The quality call might have been mediocre, but there was no mistaking this: Red looked sad. And while the knot in Blue’s throat tightened, a surge of angriness still raged within him.  
  
"I didn’t think you would care." Blue looks at the dismal tree once again, feeling unable to deal with Red’s open emotions.  
  
"I do, though. I care."  
  
Blue wants to scream. Since when was Red open about his feelings? Since when did Red show emotions? How come the words he had longed to hear for so long - weeks, months, years even - didn’t bring him relief but instead only sorrow and rage?  
  
Blue wants to let it all out. But he’s been tired for so long now. Even his turmoil doesn’t fuel him enough to answer with what he doesn’t even know he wants to say.

Blue finally just looks at Red brokenly, feeling a lone tear running down his right cheek.  
  
"I’m sorry, Red." He says. "I don’t think I want to talk with you right now."  
  
Blue expects Red to act stubborn, to put up some resistance. But Red just smiles at Blue, resigned.  
  
"It’s okay, Blue. I’ll wait."  
  
Blue nods, waves and closes his laptop.  
  
‘That’s fair’, Blue thinks, the stream of his tears intensifying. ‘I waited too. Don’t make me regret.’

**Author's Note:**

> eyoeyo fret not my dears for these two shall still get married and live happily after (just not now)  
> anyway I'm not sure I like this but it do be like that sometimes  
> I'm ginkght or lokesurie on Tumblr if you want to chat (tell me about hxh I will gladly cry with you)


End file.
